Wanting to Give In and Give Up

3/24/25

This portion of the post will constitute the majority of it, with the 11th - 14th at the end. I have been active since the 14th, but not getting in the runs I've planned to. This week will a good week to start building up again to the miles I need to be at for running a half marathon in June.

The title of this post is really reflects this portion of the post. I've been struggling with depression, and with that comes the overwhelming feeling of wanting to hide away from everything. I've not had it in me to make it out multiple days over the last 2 weeks. But I made it out to some degree, so I have that victory at least. There has been a part of me that just wants to give in and not push myself to get out anymore. To give up my grand ideas of finishing a half marathon based on my own piece meal training plan. The speed work has been especially hard to approach. They are super intimidating to me, and I get self conscious when I am out doing them. That's when the depression gets worse. With the depression and not getting in the miles or time on the feet it seems hopeless to a degree to keep pushing. But I will keep pushing. I have habits of running to strengthen and family and health I need to improve.

Moving forward I will need to practice kinder to myself. Being nice to myself it tough, the lingering thoughts of not being good enough pollute my mind, and make it hard to function. Silvia asked me yesterday, what it feels like when I'm being impacted by depression. I explained it for me it is similar to being tired and not having it in me to do anything, combined with that tired grumpy feeling, and then add a hint of not being able to feel positive. But this morning I'm doing a bit better, and will hopefully be doing a lot better after getting my run in at lunch.

So that's me in a nutshell right now, committing to get in the runs/time on the feet I need to be successful, and coming out of an episode of depression.

Thanks for reading and here are the other posts.

3/11/25

Today is a rest day for me. After my 10k my watch informed that I was over reaching and to take 78 hours to recover. So I took until yesterday and did an easy run after work. My watch then said I was over reaching again and to take 35 hours to recover. So instead of doing speed work today I am resting and moving it to tomorrow. My speed work is super simple, this week and next week 2 miles, during those two miles will be 1 km run/walk then either 800 m run and 200 m recover or x2 400 m run 100 m recovery then a 1km cool down. It will increase in reps of the 800/200 or 400/100 with the 1 km warm up and cool down staying the same. After I do a couple weeks of these I may change it up.

3/12/25

Today was a good run. It's warm out right now 76°, so was feeling a bit warmer during the last part of my run. The speed work was alright, I am doing it now just so I can get used to doing it. I need to modify the workout on my Garmin so I can do the run/walk for the warm up and cool down. It will alternate every minute with with a notification from my watch when I start a regular run, but not during planned workouts that I put into my watch.

This morning I said I was running at lunch, and our little guy quickly said, "I want to come!" School is preventing him from joining me at lunch, so I am thinking my easy run tomorrow or Saturday morning I'll let him come and be on his bike with me as I do my run.

3/13/25

I really could have benefited from more sleep last night. I've got a middle distance run today. It will be 3 miles at a very easy pace so I can recover more fully. My watch keeps showing that I'm overreaching, this should stop it nagging me. 

3/14/25

I ended up doing a 1 mile walk last night. My goal was to do 2 miles today, but I am using the strong wind as my reason for not getting it in. I just don't want to run in it. I still will be doing 4 miles in the morning and I will try to do them at an easier pace.

 -Riley

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