Wanting to Give In and Give Up

3/24/25

This portion of the post will constitute the majority of it, with the 11th - 14th at the end. I have been active since the 14th, but not getting in the runs I've planned to. This week will a good week to start building up again to the miles I need to be at for running a half marathon in June.

The title of this post is really reflects this portion of the post. I've been struggling with depression, and with that comes the overwhelming feeling of wanting to hide away from everything. I've not had it in me to make it out multiple days over the last 2 weeks. But I made it out to some degree, so I have that victory at least. There has been a part of me that just wants to give in and not push myself to get out anymore. To give up my grand ideas of finishing a half marathon based on my own piece meal training plan. The speed work has been especially hard to approach. They are super intimidating to me, and I get self conscious when I am out doing them. That's when the depression gets worse. With the depression and not getting in the miles or time on the feet it seems hopeless to a degree to keep pushing. But I will keep pushing. I have habits of running to strengthen and family and health I need to improve.

Moving forward I will need to practice kinder to myself. Being nice to myself it tough, the lingering thoughts of not being good enough pollute my mind, and make it hard to function. Silvia asked me yesterday, what it feels like when I'm being impacted by depression. I explained it for me it is similar to being tired and not having it in me to do anything, combined with that tired grumpy feeling, and then add a hint of not being able to feel positive. But this morning I'm doing a bit better, and will hopefully be doing a lot better after getting my run in at lunch.

So that's me in a nutshell right now, committing to get in the runs/time on the feet I need to be successful, and coming out of an episode of depression.

Thanks for reading and here are the other posts.

3/11/25

Today is a rest day for me. After my 10k my watch informed that I was over reaching and to take 78 hours to recover. So I took until yesterday and did an easy run after work. My watch then said I was over reaching again and to take 35 hours to recover. So instead of doing speed work today I am resting and moving it to tomorrow. My speed work is super simple, this week and next week 2 miles, during those two miles will be 1 km run/walk then either 800 m run and 200 m recover or x2 400 m run 100 m recovery then a 1km cool down. It will increase in reps of the 800/200 or 400/100 with the 1 km warm up and cool down staying the same. After I do a couple weeks of these I may change it up.

3/12/25

Today was a good run. It's warm out right now 76°, so was feeling a bit warmer during the last part of my run. The speed work was alright, I am doing it now just so I can get used to doing it. I need to modify the workout on my Garmin so I can do the run/walk for the warm up and cool down. It will alternate every minute with with a notification from my watch when I start a regular run, but not during planned workouts that I put into my watch.

This morning I said I was running at lunch, and our little guy quickly said, "I want to come!" School is preventing him from joining me at lunch, so I am thinking my easy run tomorrow or Saturday morning I'll let him come and be on his bike with me as I do my run.

3/13/25

I really could have benefited from more sleep last night. I've got a middle distance run today. It will be 3 miles at a very easy pace so I can recover more fully. My watch keeps showing that I'm overreaching, this should stop it nagging me. 

3/14/25

I ended up doing a 1 mile walk last night. My goal was to do 2 miles today, but I am using the strong wind as my reason for not getting it in. I just don't want to run in it. I still will be doing 4 miles in the morning and I will try to do them at an easier pace.

 -Riley

Setting Up My Training Plan and Running from Yeti

3-6-25

When I posted about setting up my own training plan, I did more research on training plans. It turns out mine was lacking in time on the feet, and wouldn't have set me up for success. It didn't have enough miles, or time on the road during the week to help build the endurance needed for the race. Since I am a slower runner right now, I need to build up my endurance for the long run. So, my weekday runs will consist of an easy run, an easy mid-distance run, speed work, and a long run. It will be a steady 10% increase in distance each week, specifically for the long run. The other runs will increase slower, so I don't pass that 10%. 

3-9-25

Well, I increased a lot more than 10% yesterday (3/8). I've had the Run From Yeti race on my schedule for a while. I changed it from the half marathon to the 10k, I'm glad I did that change, but I didn't want to miss out on this race. So, even with basically no running base, I went out and did it. My plan was simple in the car before the race, walk 10k, I figured it would take me a while to walk the distance, but I should finish before some of the half marathon racers. Before I got out of the car I changed that solid plan to run/walk miles 1, 3, & 5. Which I did, and didn't do half bad. During my mile run/walk I skipped a couple of 1 minute run segments and ran the last portion of the race to the finish line. I was surprised at how good I felt after the race was over everywhere but my hands. I should have brought my running gloves, my hands were kind of useless after the race. I had to go warm them up in the car so I could really use them again. It was a fun race, with lots of smiling faces and high fives as I plodded along the out and back course.

3-10-25

This post is 4 days in the making. I just wanted to touch on one last thing as I finish this post. During the race (I finished 3 from last in the 10k) as I was heading to the turnaround point, there were clusters of people running back from it. I was working through mile three at this point doing my run/walk and happened to be in a minute of running. I had a line of people giving me high fives and encouraging me to keep going, that's one thing about running that I love during races, aside from people saying "On your left!" there are countless people who want to see you finish something hard. These people don't know me, chances are we'll never meet again. That encouragement and simple high five brought a smile to my running face (which looks like I'm about to die as I do longer runs). It was great.

With this race, I never hit that wall of "I want to quit and go home." like I did with the half marathon. I had lots of fuel in the tank still. I really thing my food leading up to the long run was better than it has been for other long runs. I will need to follow a similar path Fridays before my long run each week to really dial in the fueling for a run. I had one serving of sports beans on the run and one salted caramel Gu. I also wore my hydration vest with 1 liter of water and half a liter of electrolyte water. I did go through them entirely, and think I may have been a little dehydrated after the race.

My next race currently is a 5k called Taco the Town on May 17th. Silvia and Kaiden are doing it with me. It's on a 10 mile run day, so I will need to get in 7 more before or after the race. I was thinking of the Greater St. Louis 10k in April, but am a little to slow to finish in the required amount of time. Maybe next year for that one.

Thanks for reading.

-Riley

 

Balancing Life and Running

Balancing life and running seems simple enough, so plan to run during times that won't impact your time with the family, school, work, or hobbies. Running is a hobby, but it does a lot for me mentally and physically than other hobbies. This balance is hard to maintain, life gets busy. I wish I could say that's what's been preventing me from getting out the door, but it's not the entire reason over the past 3.5 months. I lost momentum and motivation and got depressed. I'm still struggling with the depression, but have taken steps to hopefully decrease it. The running has helped. Gradually, motivation has started to come into the picture again, which should help build momentum.

So, what am I doing to balance life and running this time? I am doing this my way. It sounds a little arrogant when I write it out, but it's where I have found success. Doing it my way means I will research to plan my training. The next thing I am doing to balance life and running is to do my runs and cross-training during my lunch hour when I can. Since I work from home, I can have my running gear ready or on at the beginning of my lunch, removing one hurdle from making it out the door. The last thing I'll write about regarding that balance is scheduling my day. I will have to be organized to accomplish this. I have a rough schedule on a spreadsheet, but I will be reworking it to be more specific about how I spend my time. I will keep in mind that I must remain flexible so I don't get discouraged by curve balls as they come at me.

The race I signed up for is another half marathon. It'll be June 14th in St. Charles (a city close by). I started training again this past Wednesday, and I did 1.56 miles. It was slower than my last run in November. It was a good run, I did the 1:1 run walk. Then, on Thursday, I did 2 miles. Again, 1:1 run walk. My legs were jelly by the end of Thursday because I hadn't trained in so long. It should come back quick. My legs didn't recover until yesterday. So, I didn't do my long run yesterday and will be doing that tomorrow during lunch instead of my easy run. I will make sure to get my long runs in; they will be crucial to my success in this training cycle. I am thinking of doing a 10k the weekend before the race because it's the length of my last run before my taper.

If I'm ever going to get this post up, I will need to end right there.

Thanks for reading.

-Riley